2022-01-19 『この街を、核爆発の熱で、街ごと殺菌してやりたい』 [長年日記]


(Continuation from yesterday)


That's beside the point.



If they are to follow this kind of terrorist destruction strategy.


People who really believe in the existence of a distorted notion of a "winning side" (which cannot be defined or quantified), and,


Even teenagers who are struggling academically...


The police will have to crack down on and monitor them as well.


It is the embodiment of the world of the anime "PSYCHO-PASS.


And in that world...

―― 私(江端)は、24時間いつでも、犯罪係数"300"越え

"I, Ebata, have a crime coefficient of over 300, 24 hours, 7 days a week"


I guess it is.



I thought about it again, and found one of my past experiences that can approach the psychology of terrorists in Odakyu, Keio, and the University of Tokyo entrance examination hall.

"A near-death experience in New Delhi, India"


I crawled my way to the New Delhi International Airport. And as I gazed out the window of my flight to Kathmandu, Nepal, at the scenery below, I thought.


"I want to sterilize this entire city with the heat of a nuclear explosion.


I remember being shaken by the fact that I had thought about it even for a moment.


小田急、京王、東大入試会場で、殺傷事件を起こした奴等は、私があの街に抱いた憎悪と同じ憎悪を抱えていたのだろうか ―― と考えています。

I wonder if the guys who killed and injured people in Odakyu, Keio, and the University of Tokyo entrance exams had the same hatred that I had for that city.

私には、『あの街に殺されかけた』という、言語化できる「憎悪」がありました ―― もちろん、それは、理不尽で、不合理で、差別主義的で、レイシストの謗り(そしり)を受けるほど、滅茶苦茶な理屈である、と自覚しています。

I had a verbal "hatred" that said, "That city almost killed me. Of course, I am aware that this is an unreasonable, irrational, racist, and racist theory that is so outrageous that I have been accused of being a racist.


However, when I have to talk about them, 'Did they have the same level of anger, hatred, and vengeance as I did?' is going to be my standard for their condemnation.


Well, but they should be "condemned" for sure.


Because they carried out a terrorist act, but I refrained from launching a nuclear missile.

2022-01-18 ―― 殺害対象が『誰でもいい』って、どういうこと? そんでもって『捕まって死刑になりたい』って、どういうこと? [長年日記]


I think I have a passing understanding of cults and far-right and far-left terrorism.


I also know (from experience) the process by which personal anger can be justified within oneself and transformed into a murderous intent directed at a specific person.


In particular, the quantification and forgetting of anger emotions has been numerically modeled and incorporated into simulations under the (self-serving) name of the "Ebata Model".


After all, even now, I can give you three "real names" of people I want to kill.



However, I have no understanding of the recent indiscriminate killings at Odakyu, Keio, and the University of Tokyo entrance exams.

―― 殺害対象が『誰でもいい』って、どういうこと? そんでもって『捕まって死刑になりたい』って、どういうこと?

"What do they mean when they say they don't care who they kill? And what do they mean, "I want to be caught and sentenced to death"?"


I can't understand them.


In a word, it's not rational.


Of course, there are plenty of irrational negative emotions in the world (resentment, jealousy, vindictiveness, hatred, desperation, destructive impulses, etc.).


However, they are emotions that are shared in our society and also understandable from our own experiences.


And against terrorism and criminal acts caused by religion, ideology, or personal feelings as mentioned above, we can not only rely on the state security forces (such as criminal police (*1) or public security police (*2)), but also take some "preventive measures" by ourselves.


(*1) Basically, they investigate after an incident occurs.


(*2) Even before an incident occurs, they will continue to investigate organizations and individuals that may threaten the security of the nation.


But I can't think of any countermeasures that can be taken against terrorists who say, "I don't care who I will kill" or "I want to be caught and executed".



The persecution of Muslims as "reserve terrorists" by the United States, whose national policy is freedom of religion, is still ongoing.


Of course, this is out of line humanely (and probably legally), but I think the government of a security state would 'do this level of violence'.


In the case of Japan, through the efforts of the government and the police (infiltration as spies and intelligent counter-terrorism operations), they have succeeded in forming a national consensus (brainwashing?) that violent acts are unconditionally "evil, and the far left, far right and cults have been destroyed by them one after another.


(*) In this sense, I think the "Aum Shinrikyo case" is one of those cases that failed to be destroyed.


As a side note, I believe that in Japan, the concept that violence is unconditionally "bad" has been realized not through religion or ideology, but through "air", which is a characteristic that no other country has.


(To be continued)

2022-01-17 『定年まぎわに起業した父と、村上水軍の末裔の母の、息子であるこの私が、こんなところで、くたびれていてどうする!』 [長年日記]

The other day, I told you that the Ebata family is a descendant of the Murakami navy, without any evidence or proof.


This story reminded me of when I was in elementary school.

―― 俺は、源氏の末裔だ

"I'm a descendant of the Minamoto clan"


There was a guy who was asserting himself in my class.


I remember that he went to school from the city housing and was not particularly good in his class, not particularly good at grades or sports, but just a noisy guy.


And that's when I thought...


"This family is basically stupid, including him"




"It's a pity that the Minamoto clan has fallen to descendants like you," (although he wasn't sure what "Minamoto" meant in his mind).




However, after listening to the story of the "Murakami navy" this time, my view has changed just a little bit (less than 1mm).

―― 私が、村上水軍の末裔なら、私は、まだまだ、がんばれるはずだ

"If I am a descendant of the Murakami navy, I can still do my best"


It's a really trivial story, with not even a chance of a single pico, but I think it gave me a bit of courage.



My father, when he was quite old, started his own woodworking company.


This time, I was shocked to learn from my sister that my father started his own business when he was the same age as me.


I am the son of a father who started his own business just before retirement and a mother who was a descendant of the Murakami navy. Why am I depressed here, nonetheless?"


I feel like I was given a (inexpressible) surge of courage.

# もちろん『いや、それ錯覚だからね』という内なる理性の声は、ちゃんと聞こえていますので、ご安心下さい。

# Of course, the voice of inner reason that says, 'No, that's just an illusion,' can be heard, so don't worry.


冒頭の「俺は、源氏の末裔だ」と主張していたあのバカは、ダメでゴミカスみたいな人間でしたが ――

That idiot at the beginning of the story who claimed to be a descendant of the Minamoto clan was a no-good, trashy human being, however,


Still, I think I understand now that 'whatever the truth of that phrase, it may have given him courage.

2022-01-16 なにより、自分の親の人生を遡るラストクルーズを、他人にやらせる、という選択肢がなかったからです。 [長年日記]


Yesterday, I finished the work I could do at the moment with the passing of my mother and came home.


There are still a lot of legal procedures to be completed, but for now, we are settled.

一連の葬儀に関することはともかく、姉と私が連携して、なおこれだけの手続と時間を要する、ということに ――

Aside from a series of funeral-related matters, my sister and I have been working together, and it still takes a lot of time and procedures.


Once again, I am exhausted by the tediousness of "post-mortem events".


I wonder if it would not be so easy to "finish the whole process in an instant with just one My Number card".


In fact, it seems that many people give up on inheritance and other procedures because of the hassle of these processes.


If the inheritance belongs to the national treasury, there are still many people who leave it as an empty house or vacant lot.



So, I did some research, and it seems that even if you abandon your estate, you will forever be responsible for the management of vacant land and houses, as long as there is no one to transfer them to.


In other words, it's like a spirit behind you that will haunt you (and your children) forever.


This seems to be quite a social problem.


However, if you think about it the other way around, if you just want a place to live, without any consideration for convenience or remodeling...

―― タダの土地つきの一戸建てなど、日本中どこにでも、ゴロゴロある

"There are plenty of free houses with land all over Japan"



On the other hand, you might even 'get a house with land' and even 'get a gratuity'.


When I have to be homeless in the city, the strategy of "a house in the country on welfare (or pension)" has come into scope (forget about the maintenance and management costs).



Back to the topic at hand.


Ebata: "Gathering evidence for inheritance and insurance seems like it could be a business in itself."


Sister: "That stuff has been around for a long time."


So I looked into it and found that it was the sole domain of lawyers, tax accountants, administrative scriveners, and banks and trust banks.


Well, that's true, isn't it? However, the price seems to be expensive.

今回、私たち姉弟は、経費削減をしたくて動いた訳ではなく、また、始める前に大体の作業量が見積ることができて、外注に出す手間の方が、逆に手続が面倒になる、という予感もあったからで ――

This time, my sisters and I didn't want to cut costs, but also because we could estimate the amount of work to be done before we started, and we had a hunch that outsourcing would be more trouble than it was worth.


Most importantly, I didn't have the option of letting someone else take the last cruise of my parents' life.

2022-01-15 ―― 私たち姉弟は「『村上水軍』の末裔かもしれない」という大変眉唾な話 [長年日記]


Last night and this morning, I had two companies come to my parents' house to give me an estimate for the removal of their belongings.


I'm not going to do anything until at least the 49th day memorial service is over, but I wanted to know the "scale" of the amount.


I had people from two different companies look at it, and the estimates were generally about the same.


I looked around to see if there was anything I could get.


-PC display




-Electric screwdriver


These were all things that I had brought in or purchased.


Incidentally, there were also some custom-made clothes left by my father.


However, the vendor assured me that none of the clothes would be traded. Only a few types of kimonos are traded for a small amount of money, they said to me.



However, as a former furniture maker, my father's tables, writing discs, cupboards, etc., are still very solid, even from my point of view.


A huge number of beddings and other items would be useful in places where they are needed (refugee camps, etc.), but there is no way to transport them (for the price of transport, you can buy new ones).


In short,

―― 遺品は、そのほとんどがゴミになる運命にある

"Most of the relics are destined to become garbage"




In the end, all that my father and mother left for us siblings was "memories".


However, we were able to share some worthwhile "memories".

『しんみり』というよりは、姉弟で『大爆笑』できる思い出というのは ―― これはこれで、"プライスレス"だと思うのです。

Rather than being "heartbroken," I think the memories of having a good laugh with my sister and brother are priceless.



The best part of this conversation with my sister about my father and mother was...

―― 私たち姉弟は「『村上水軍』の末裔かもしれない」という大変眉唾な話

" We may be the descendants of the "Murakami Navy", a very eyebrow-raising story"


村上水軍 ―― いいじゃないですか。

Murakami Suigun -- That's good, isn't it?


It is an independent and self-respecting fighting group that does not belong to the central power (the imperial family or the regent) and does not bow down to upstart powers (such as Oda Nobunaga).


This time, after talking with my sister, I've come to understand...


"Money is not the issue. Once we decide to fight, we will fight to the bitter end"


This seems to have been "the family style of the Ebatas".


I've done a lot of things in my life, but it seems that they are not my fault, but my "blood".

2022-01-14 ―― もうすぐ、あなたにも、この拷問が日々が始まる。そして、誰もが、そこから逃げることはできない [長年日記]


Today, my sister and I were working on a medical history tracking relay for my mother.


It was 10 years ago that my mother was admitted to a geriatric health care facility.


From there, I traced my mother's hospitalization history, visiting three different hospitals to find out more about her.


-Depressed skull fracture




-Sinusoidal failure syndrome, pacemaker installation




-Depressive cardiac insufficiency


-Cerebral infarction


-Expansion of gastrostomy


-Gallstones cholecystitis


-Femoral infarction sequelae


-Right elbow bruise


-Swallowing pneumonia


-Neurogenic bladder


-Exanthem subitum




-Chronic cardiac insufficiency additions


-Sinusoidal failure syndrome


-Swallowing pneumonia


-Death (January 10, 2022)



This is the history of my mother's severe pain for the past ten years.

None of this falls under the current judicial "death with dignity" decision.


In the first place, my mother was not declared to die with dignity, so it is absolutely impossible.


After she stopped communicating with us, I had no idea what she was thinking.



I would like to say one thing.

―― もうすぐ、あなたにも、この拷問が日々が始まる。そして、誰もが、そこから逃げることはできない

"Soon, the days of this torture will begin for you, too. And no one can escape from it"



In hindsight, it seems that my mother had two opportunities to stop this long torture from starting on her own.


One is "gastrostomy construction" and the other is "pacemaker installation.


These two things are the "wisdom" and at the same time the "curse" created by humanity.


Nevertheless, it was "my mother herself" who chose these two.

だから ―― もう、母のことはいいのです。

So - I don't need to worry about my mother anymore.



But don't forget.


If you are unable to communicate, you will not be able to exercise your "right to choose death" at all (at least in the current judicial system).


This is an absolute fact.


The only person who can save you is yourself, and the opportunity is frighteningly difficult to grasp.

2022-01-13 姉:「私達が知らない兄弟姉妹を探す為だよ」 [長年日記]


We had done the same thing with my father, and now I am doing the relay of the removal of my mother's name from the register with her death.

母親の人生(の場所)を巡る旅 ―― お役所クルーズです。

A journey through the life (and place) of a mother -- The bureaucratic cruise.



I: "What am I doing this for?"


Sister: "It's to find our brothers and sisters we don't know."


In other words, if my father or mother has an "illegitimate child," that child will also have the right to be granted property.


If we don't "legally establish" that we don't have such a child, we won't be able to receive even the smallest amount of money in my mother's bank account!

正直 ―― 面倒くさい、と思います。

Honestly -- it's a hassle, I think.


There are times when I think, 'I don't need that money.

しかし、放置しておくと、それらの残金は国庫に回収されます ―― つまり、お国に召し上げられる、と。

However, if left unchecked, the remainder of the money will be collected by the treasury -- in other words, taken by the government.


It's perfectly fine if I don't get it, but it is absolutely unacceptable for the "state" to get it.



In my case, just by thinking about it, driving all over Japan and going through the process of applying for a copy of the registry in a local area doesn't seem so "painful" to me.

2022-01-12 ―― それは、私の責任ではなく、母の責任である [長年日記]


I just finished the whole funeral event and came home to realize it.


Now, my parents are displayed as a couple of posthumous portraits in my parents' home.


During the Corona disaster, I asked for a minimum number of people to be held, but I had to accept the request to 'see the faces of my mother at the end'.

まあ、そのお陰もありまして、母の出生の話や、それだけでなく、私の幼少期の性格 ―― というか『戦略』―― も色々と知ることができました。

Well, thanks to that, I was able to learn a lot about my mother's birth story, as well as my childhood personality -- or rather, my "strategy.



My mother was very strict with me and did not buy me what I wanted (toys, etc.).


And I heard that I was giving a presentation to my mother, 'rolling around on the floor and crying to get my demands through.


It was a final strategy against my mother.


On the other hand, I heard I was a quiet child who would not implement such a strategy on anyone.


I don't remember any of this story, but I must admit that it is an objective fact, since three people testified about it, while waiting at the crematorium.


しかし ―― 私は、問題解決の一つとして、

But -- one way to solve the problem is that a method of


"Arbitrarily exacerbate or inflame the problem to make it go away"



In other words, the solution I am using now has been cultivated by having a "virtual enemy", my mother.


I'm sure there are more than a few people who have been affected by this solution of mine.

―― それは、私の責任ではなく、母の責任である

"It's not my fault, but my mother's fault"


Today, I was convinced of it.

2022-01-11 昨夜、母が突然他界してしまいました。 [長年日記]


Last night, my mother suddenly passed away.


I took the first bullet train this morning, and today the funeral wake will start at 5:00 p.m, and the funeral will start at 8:30 a.m.tomorrow.


In the middle of the Corona disaster, we ask that you refrain from attending as much as possible and plan to hold a funeral service for a few people.


So, please understand that I may not be able to update my diary for a while.

2022-01-10 ところが、ここ数日間、訳の分からない体重増に、頭を抱えています。 [長年日記]


From the end of the year to the New Year, I've been paying attention to my weight changes (especially the heavier ones), and I was relieved when I made it through the last day within the acceptable range.


However, for the past few days, I've been struggling with an inexplicable weight gain.

Once I tried to see if I could explain my weight gain with "transient phenomena" but at this time I failed spectacularly.

今回のケースが「7日間」という、超長期の遅延定数ではないだろう ―― と、思っています。

I am sure that this case is not a very long delay constant of "7 days" -- I am sure of that.


However, I think it is reasonable to say that my body has become accustomed to the amount of food I eat at the end of the year, and I am still overeating.


Well, these days, I'm hungry anyway.



I weigh myself once a day, targeting the time and place where I lose the most weight.


In order to do this, I have been working on various ways to get on the scale.


I went to the bathroom and took out everything I could.


Naturally, I was completely naked (except for my pants).


The first thing to do is to take the scales out into the hallway, let them cool down, reduce the sensitivity of the sensors.


I install the scales in a direction perpendicular to the direction of the wood on the floor.


When I get on the scale, bend over so that my center of gravity is outside the scale.


By counting backwards from the timing the scale gives me a definite value, I can generate a light single oscillating motion in my body to determine the lightest weight.


I have been fighting to "cheat the scales" every day by using various methods like that.


『そこまでするなら、体重計に乗らなければ良いのに』と嫁さんには言われていますが ――

My wife says to me, "If you're going to go that far, you shouldn't be on the scale".

As we all know, the "mental damage caused by the scale" is the most effective way to lose weight.

『仮にそうだとしても、"体重計を欺く"ことに意味はあるのか』と問われれば ―― 私は、こう思うのです。

If you ask me, "Even if that's the case, what's the point of cheating the scales?"


どんなに残忍な殺人事件を起こし、検察側、弁護側、双方が事実認定に齟齬がないとしても ――

No matter how brutal the murder, and no matter how consistent the prosecution, defense, and both sides are in finding the case--


A suspect in a murder case should be judged on the amount of sentence after the defense has exhausted all possible defenses.

特に「死刑判決」という極刑については、『もうこれ以上の弁護はできない』という、最大級の弁護の機会を与えられなけえればならない ――

Especially when it comes to the extreme penalty of the death sentence, we have to be given the maximum opportunity to defend ourselves, to say, like 'I can't defend myself any more'.



しかるに、「体重計」という裁判所が、「私の体重」という罪状を確定するのであれば ――

Therefore, if the court of "scales" establishes the charge of "my weight," then--


Every opportunity to defend "every effort to reduce weight (value)" should be exhausted.

―― と、私は信じているのです。

I believe that