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2024-03-20 If I had gone through this summer without getting out of alcohol dependence -- "I might have 'committed suicide' from depression." [長年日記]

(I've told this story many times.) I think I was an alcoholic or a pre-disposed alcoholic.

I believe that the reason for the addiction is because of our aptitude for the field.

For example,

"I have never experienced a hangover."

No matter how much I drank, I never got drunk or lost my memory.

(This is an exception)

In other words, 'I had an aptitude for alcohol' -- no?

Anyway, I believe that 'dependence on alcohol by not being hurt by alcohol' is a new way of thinking.

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I think one of the reasons I did not become a gambler or a video game addict was probably because I was, in part, hopelessly vulnerable to gambling and gaming.

I can't win so that I won't do it.

Yes, It is also very revealing.

Female dependency, male dependency, domestic violence, stalking, etc., are all out of the question for me at this point.

I don't like people, so I don't depend on them.

(Not a very pleasant conclusion.) It is also very revealing.

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My alcoholism was linked to my insomnia.

These two are the worst pair ever.

I can honestly say that I have almost died.

In my case, however, I thought I could tolerate alcohol as long as I could solve my insomnia.

Insomnia can be surpassed to some extent by aptly prescribed medications (stabilizers and sleeping pills).

In other words, for me, alcohol and insomnia are a trade-off, and that is why I was able to make the move to sobriety.

What, by comparison, are the alternatives to gambling and gaming addiction?

I imagine getting out of these dependencies would be tough without alternatives.

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By the way, I suffered a lot from "depression" this summer.

I am still freaked out when the symptoms start to show up when I get overwhelmed at work.

I, however, did not have "depression" when I was an alcoholic.

I wondered if there might be a "negative" relationship between alcoholism and depression, and upon doing some research, I found the exact opposite to be true.

I found a strong positive correlation of 3.0 times.

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If I had gone through this summer without getting out of alcohol dependence -- "I might have 'committed suicide' from depression."

I am horrified now when I think about it.